What's in a name?

On getting married – what's a maiden to do?

I’ve spent my entire life eye-rolling at my last name, Bogosian.*

Too many letters, difficult to pronounce, challenging for customer service agents to figure out, albeit my emphatic instruction, “No, B as in BOY.”

When my partner and I started dating, I was thrilled at the prospects of taking his simple, Scottish last name, Henley*. Like a little school girl, I doodled it in my head, dreaming of all the time I would save not having to repeat “NO THAT’S I as in IGLOO” ever again.

Allison Henley. It has a nice ring to it.

Some important context about my last name is that it’s Armenian. I’m 100% on both sides, and the suffix “ian” is a distinctive feature of Armenian last names, meaning "son of" or "descendant of." This has proven to be a handy party trick, as it seems nearly everyone knows someone with an “ian” last name, and LOVES to let you know.

“So like…what is your last name?” is something I heard a lot in High School. I always felt proud explaining my heritage and it usually led to some kind of interesting connection or story about our respective ancestors or family history.

Another interesting factoid about my last name is that it’s not really my last name! Well, kind of. When my great grandparents came to America from Armenia, the border agent asked my great grandfather, “Surname?” Speaking broken English at best, he thought they said “Occupation?” and proudly responded, “Bogosian.”

Rug dyer.

(In retrospect I’m like is this why I have such a hard time separating my identity from my career???)

We’re getting married in June, so now the daydream has become a reality and it’s time to really consider what it means to change my last name and whether that’s something I want to do. Suddenly, it feels a lot more complicated than just “has a nice ring to it.”

When I think about everything Allison Bogosian has done, I’m really proud. She’s had a successful career. She’s traveled to Europe alone, twice. She navigated her way through living on her own in a big city, created a home for herself, found and nurtured friendships, navigated failure and set backs, uncertainty. When I think about this all in the context of my great grandfather, Bogosian, who came to America at 12 with quite literally a few coins in his pocket, I’m really proud. And when I think about my dad, Bogosian, and the life, business, and family he created with my mom, I could basically just cry.

I’m realizing that the identity and history and heritage that I hold in my last name – that I carry with me everywhere I go – feels like so much more than a last name.

Ah, Shakespeare. For someone whose singular name was literally the cornerstone of his career, you make a compelling case. Allison Bogosian or Allison Smith, it’s always just been me, right? (RIGHT, William SMITH???)

And then I think about future me. Future us. Future family. The pride my fiancé carries with his last name. His story, as he came to America from Scotland and built his life here on his own. It would be his future granddaughter, sitting at her (probs holographic) laptop reminiscing about all he had accomplished, all the weight her last name carries.

So you see the predicament here?

Naturally, the logical conclusion would be to split the difference and hyphenate, Allison Bogosian-Henley. Customer service agents will hate to see me coming. (NO THAT’S I as in IGLOO and Y as in YOU ARE RUINING MY LIFE, JANET.)

While I’m not sure yet if hyphenating is where I’ll land, it has been an provoking thought experiment to have with myself – identity, family, everything in between.

(Also, I’d be remiss to not mention that I’m painfully aware of the fact that in all of this we are literally contemplating which of our male identities to assume...Is there an option to just make up my own last name? Allison Perfectangel? Allison LeRoyal? Allison Darling could be a great way to finally get my fiancé to call me a pet name...)

Anyways, for now, I’m just Allison. But I do welcome any and all perspectives here as I make this important (but is it?) decision over the next few months.

Married gals, how did you approach the decision on whether or not to keep your last name? Why? Would love to hear your thoughts.

Xo,

Just Allison

*I changed our last names because the internet is scary