33 things I still haven’t learned

For my 33rd birthday

When I was in high school, I had a little black chalkboard in my room where I wrote profound Pinterest quotes in coffee-shop-esque calligraphy. Deep, lasting words of wisdom that my 16-year-old-self wanted to bestow upon the world. In chalk.

This is real. 16 year old Allison was #deep #philosophy

“Think deeply, speak gently, love much, laugh a lot.”

I thought I had really cracked the code on that one…

Now that I’m 33 (tomorrow! Wish me happy birthday because I’m actually still 12!) I definitely haven’t figured out how to speak gently, but the one thing I have finally learned is that nobody actually knows anything, including myself. It’s all our first time at this and we’re all just figuring it out, pretending to get it, while hopefully making some gradual improvements along the way. Right?

So I’m not going to share 33 things I’ve figured out by now. I think at this stage in my life there may be more merit in looking at the things I still haven’t learned. If not only to highlight where there’s room for growth, but also to help you feel less alone. I have no clue what I’m doing and here are 33 things I still haven’t learned.

1. How to take criticism – Nope, can’t do it. I pretend I’m okay with receiving feedback but it actually makes me die a little inside because how could you think I am anything other than a perfect flawless FL diamond? It’s weird because I usually do actually agree with the feedback, I just can’t bring myself to say that. WE’RE WORKING ON IT.

2. How to say no – I’ve gotten better at this, but I definitely either go in one extreme or the other. I suspect in time I’ll be able to find the middle area of saying no in a meaningful way but until then…NO, I HAVEN’T FIGURED THIS ONE OUT YET.

3. How to parallel park – Just gonna leave that here.

4. How to manage my anxiety – There is a reason the title of my Substack is Taking Care of Yourself and I write a lot about self-care, wellness, etc. It’s because I’m still working on this and half writing to myself! I have gotten a lot better at de-escalating anxiety when I start to feel it percolating — breathing, walks, exercise. I have my toolbox but I haven’t fully figured out how to fully bring myself down from the occasional nervous spirals. Won’t be too hard on myself for this one because it takes a lot of time and practice.

5. How to successfully cook a steak – WOOF (moo?) is all I’ll say.

6. A more meaningful career path – Gosh, I want to figure this one out so badly. It feels like I’ve spent the last 10 years thinking of different business ideas, things I want to create in the world, brands I want to build. I even took a year off in hopes of gaining clarity on this, and in many ways I did, but I still haven’t built the thing. I find myself falling back into 9-5 corporate world, because it’s stable and there, but I do hope in the years to come I find my way to a more meaningful career path that fills me with purpose, joy, and energy.

7. How to throw a ball – I asked my fiancé and this was his answer for me. Cool.

8. Shoes – I just never seem to have the right shoes. What kinds of shoes do people wear?

9. How to accept a compliment – I still say “oh no, <here is why I am not actually worthy of that compliment>” Ugh!

10. How to fail – I have a hard time with failure/rejection/anything less-than-perfect and it often keeps me from starting and trying at a lot of things. I hope to learn to get more comfortable with failure in the years to come because I know it’s a crucial aspect to growing.

11. How to drive on the other side of the road – I thought by now I’d be able to do this but alas.

12. How to knot a cherry stem in my mouth – I also thought this would be a sexy skill I’d have acquired by now. I don’t see it happening for me.

13. How to not always have an opinion – I really admire people that don’t feel like they always have to have an opinion on something. I am not one of them. I’d like to get better at being comfortable with not knowing–or perhaps just not caring–but for now, I still don’t know how to not know.

14. How to be present – If this isn’t a life-long conquest I don’t know what is, but I am still learning how to be here and now. Sometimes that means dazing off mid-conversation, other times that means worrying about the future or what’s to come. A lot of opportunity to find contentment in the right here, right now.

15. How to grocery shop productively – I can’t remember the last time I didn’t forget to get one ingredient at the grocery store, which then means I never end up making the entire meal. More often than not I don’t have a weekly plan and end up with ever-so-slightly underwhelming meals. My Substack friend

    holy smith
    has a wonderful take on this here! I hope to better learn how to plan and prep meals in advance.

16. How to not overcommit – It’s always with good intent, but I’m always overestimating the amount I can accomplish. “I can get it done by tomorrow, no problem!” “I’ll be there, can do!” “Yes, I can take that on, of course!” Or perhaps it’s something as silly as committing to a list of 33 things when my brain is honestly tapping out at 16.

So, in honor of 16 year-old-chalkboard-writing-Allison, I’m going to end the list here. Because while I haven’t learned everything yet, I might as well start somewhere. Happy 33 to me!

Take care of yourself,

Allison xx